Worth More Than Gold

I have had a series of conversations with women recently about the abusive relationships they have found themselves in.  The pain and anguish from these intelligent and caring women has sometimes been too much for me to bear. And it touches even closer to home for me because I was once like them – in an abusive relationship.  

Abuse comes in different forms – emotional, verbal and physical – all forms can kill the heart, soul and self-esteem of a person.  Not to mention the fact that it could end in tragedy for the abused or the abuser or both.  I can speak from my own reality. The abuse makes you feel like less than a person – you become convinced that whatever the abuser wants you to think about yourself is true.  You start cutting off friends and family because “they don’t understand” your relationship or why you would stay. Or you are scared of what they would think if they knew what you endured. All you can see is this person – the abuser - and you are stuck on whatever they have fed you.  In most cases they have convinced you that they are the only person in the world that would ever want you and where you are is the best place for you. And you believe it.

I challenge you to call the abuse for what it is. So often in abusive situations the abused will try to make excuses for the abuser or try to say that it is not abuse.  If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck – it is a duck. And it if it is quacking you NEED to get out.  

In my case, it got dangerously close to ending in tragedy for me, but thankfully I got out.  There are so many women who are not as blessed.  I am emotionally and physically scarred and healing every day, but I am alive and well. And my survival means that I can help others who are in the same situation. I believe that only a strong person could find their way into an abusive relationship and it is that strength that will see them out.  Each of us has worth and value – more than our weight in gold. Do not let anyone convince you otherwise. And if they try – run as fast as you can and do not look back. If you are in a situation that feels abusive or you see someone who is in an abusive situation – GET HELP! There are headlines everyday that read “Woman Killed In Domestic Dispute” – you don’t want that to be about you or your friend.  (And FYI – men can be in abusive relationships too.)

There is a rainbow at the end of your storm.  There is a way out no matter how bleak it seems. I know because I am dancing in the rainbow now. Come and join me! Get out while you can. When you look back you will see that it wasn’t for you and when you look forward you will see that your future is bright. You are more valuable than gold – don’t ever forget it.

~ ~

If you need a place to go for help check out the National Domestic Violence Hotline site: http://www.thehotline.org/

Or email me: blackwellk23@gmail.com

Selling Reality

A few weeks ago I was outside of my friend’s house waiting in my car.  I got out of the car to get something out of the trunk and another car stopped in the middle of the street, the window rolled down and a man leaned out of the window. He said “Excuse me but, you are so fine.”  I smiled and said “thank you”. And he asked me for my number. I said, “I am sorry, I have a boyfriend.”  He said, “that is fine, we can just f$#k”.  Insert *blank stare*. I turned down his gracious offer and got back into my car - quickly.

But this indecent proposal got me thinking – why can’t everyone be so forward with what they expect in their relationships? You may think that this is a stretch from that short conversation, but let’s be for real for a second here.  The gentleman stated his purpose and his goal, there was no confusion about what his intent was and when he found out that it was not going to be met we both moved on.  Wouldn’t it be fabulous if all adult relationships ran in the same vein?   

Think about it, if two adults who meet and are considering some type of relationship interaction were truly honest about what was happening there would be less hurt feelings and baggage out there.   When we meet someone there is this urge to sell a dream to the other person.  “Look at me, I am available and friendly and nice and we could have a great future together.”  But what is it that we really want? If your goal is to pick up a steady mate or even get married, fine. But what if it isn’t? Do you sell a dream that eventually turns in to a nightmare because the other person thought what you sold would be the reality? 

I think that in this new dating year we should stop selling the dream and work on reality. I am not telling you to stop every cute person you see and proposition them – that’s just creepy. (Even though I am sure that it works sometimes for the gentleman that stopped me, but that just proves my point.)  I am saying be real in your intentions when you are dealing with someone. In the long run, you will be happier for it. Who’s with me?