He Ain't Black Jesus

Ok let me start by saying I am a supporter of our President. I can't say that I have been pleased with all of the decisions he has made this term but he is still making strides. He has had some pretty big hoorah moments like the assassination of Osama Bin Laden and the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell. I will admit that I am not impressed by some of his actions but I am still proud to say that 3 years ago I stood in line for 2 hours with tears in my eyes to vote for our first "black" President. (the quotes are for the mixed heritage I recognize)

I must say though, my feathers get a little ruffled when I hear people speak too critically of our President. Yes, I agree he should push Congress a little more, be a little more direct, be a lot more forceful, show his balls, as it were. But look at what he is working with: a weak Democratic party that whines and moans with everything he says; a Republican party that stoops to lying and name calling every time he opens his mouth; the fact that he is the first minority president and is under constant scrutiny do to that fact; and an apathetic public that complains that not enough is being done, but does nothing to push what is needed along. It must be frustrating for him - people expect him to walk on water and heal this sick country but I have a newsflash: He Ain't Black Jesus. Obama is not our salvation. He was a change machine to remind us that we can change, that we desperately need change. How little we forget his acceptance speech - he clearly said he can't make things change alone. And yet, like a red headed step child, he has found himself alone on a lot of the changes he has tried to make.

I keep saying to anyone who will listen, we will need to take charge of the change we want and not wait for anyone else to give it to us or create it.  The vast majority of politicians aren’t looking out for the best interest of the people. And even if they are, they are doing it alone. Instead of complaining and waiting, we should get off of our collective asses and do something about it. I’m just saying. Stop waiting for Obama to turn our water in to wine and get out there and make some miracles happen in your own community.

Ok. I am jumping off my soap box, for now. Go and be the change you want to see and see if it doesn’t catch on. :)

Inspiration

My kids always inspire me - watching them grow and listening to their young words of wisdom - sometimes they hit closer to home than they know.

Tonight I was feeling particularly grumpy. I feel like I am stuck where I am and I can't see a way out. There are so many things that I want to do and I am not sure where to start. And it seemed like today every plan that I had got thrown off so it magnified the feeling of "stuckyness" (yes, I made up that word).

Then my beautiful daughter taught me a lesson tonight. I took her to her gymnastics class and watched her practice like I always do. They have this one exercise where they climb a rope that is connected to the ceiling. I think it is three stories up - I may be exaggerating but it looks that high to me!! When they climb to the top and can touch the connector, they get a ribbon of success. On her first night, she wouldn't even touch the rope.  The second and the third night she climbed but never got close to the top. But tonight, tonight she climbed all the way to the top. I was so proud, I took pictures. When class was over I asked her how she felt and what encouraged her to get to the top. She told me, "I wanted to get that ribbon. I wanted to see what it looked like and I wanted to be proud of my self". When I asked her if she was scared climbing that rope she just looked at me and said as a matter of fact, "no I just keep looking up". Sigh. For a moment, I was ashamed. Here I am feeling stuck - like I can't go any further - and my daughter has figured it all out. She knows what she wants and to her is was simple to get it, just keep looking up. Just keep climbing.

I know what my prize is. I know what it will feel like when I accomplish it. I just need to keep my eye on it and I will make it.  It is just that simple. Thanks again, Madison, for teaching me more than I could ever learn on my own.

River Moment

Yesterday I had an amazing experience tubing on the Potomac and Shenandoah Rivers in Harpers Ferry. It was a beautiful bright day to be floating down the white water. I was with a group of friends and we were slowly making our way down the river laughing and enjoying the water. We were surrounded by the mountains on either side.   At one point I closed my eyes and was drifting off until I got splashed. When I opened my eyes I looked up and saw a huge mansion on the side of one of the mountains and it looked familiar to me.  I realized that it was the back side of a retreat place that my church would go to every year.

 I thought back to the last time I had been there with my church and I was at the lowest point in my life.  I was extremely unhappy with my life, my marriage and very depressed.  It so happened that during that last visit my son was sick and my husband at the time and I decided to stay at the retreat and take turns to sit with him so that we would not have to leave.  I remembered yesterday how I stood at the window in the sunroom that I could see from the river and prayed that my life would change.  From that sunroom years ago, I looked down at the river and wished that I could just follow the river and see where it would take me.  Yesterday, from the river looking up at that mansion I realized that my prayer and my wish had been answered.  I was following the river and have been living my changed life.

It was a moving experience to reflect on how my life has changed.  I could imagine that young woman that I left standing in the window desperately looking at the river for escape.  I looked up smiling knowing that my change had come and there I was not only changed, but on the very river I looked to for escape.

Sometimes it seems like there is no end to whatever pain or trouble or drama we have to endure.  But there will come a time when we – each of us – will be able to look back and have our river moment.  Just wait for it, it will be amazing. Trust me.

Worth More Than Gold

I have had a series of conversations with women recently about the abusive relationships they have found themselves in.  The pain and anguish from these intelligent and caring women has sometimes been too much for me to bear. And it touches even closer to home for me because I was once like them – in an abusive relationship.  

Abuse comes in different forms – emotional, verbal and physical – all forms can kill the heart, soul and self-esteem of a person.  Not to mention the fact that it could end in tragedy for the abused or the abuser or both.  I can speak from my own reality. The abuse makes you feel like less than a person – you become convinced that whatever the abuser wants you to think about yourself is true.  You start cutting off friends and family because “they don’t understand” your relationship or why you would stay. Or you are scared of what they would think if they knew what you endured. All you can see is this person – the abuser - and you are stuck on whatever they have fed you.  In most cases they have convinced you that they are the only person in the world that would ever want you and where you are is the best place for you. And you believe it.

I challenge you to call the abuse for what it is. So often in abusive situations the abused will try to make excuses for the abuser or try to say that it is not abuse.  If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck – it is a duck. And it if it is quacking you NEED to get out.  

In my case, it got dangerously close to ending in tragedy for me, but thankfully I got out.  There are so many women who are not as blessed.  I am emotionally and physically scarred and healing every day, but I am alive and well. And my survival means that I can help others who are in the same situation. I believe that only a strong person could find their way into an abusive relationship and it is that strength that will see them out.  Each of us has worth and value – more than our weight in gold. Do not let anyone convince you otherwise. And if they try – run as fast as you can and do not look back. If you are in a situation that feels abusive or you see someone who is in an abusive situation – GET HELP! There are headlines everyday that read “Woman Killed In Domestic Dispute” – you don’t want that to be about you or your friend.  (And FYI – men can be in abusive relationships too.)

There is a rainbow at the end of your storm.  There is a way out no matter how bleak it seems. I know because I am dancing in the rainbow now. Come and join me! Get out while you can. When you look back you will see that it wasn’t for you and when you look forward you will see that your future is bright. You are more valuable than gold – don’t ever forget it.

~ ~

If you need a place to go for help check out the National Domestic Violence Hotline site: http://www.thehotline.org/

Or email me: blackwellk23@gmail.com

Selling Reality

A few weeks ago I was outside of my friend’s house waiting in my car.  I got out of the car to get something out of the trunk and another car stopped in the middle of the street, the window rolled down and a man leaned out of the window. He said “Excuse me but, you are so fine.”  I smiled and said “thank you”. And he asked me for my number. I said, “I am sorry, I have a boyfriend.”  He said, “that is fine, we can just f$#k”.  Insert *blank stare*. I turned down his gracious offer and got back into my car - quickly.

But this indecent proposal got me thinking – why can’t everyone be so forward with what they expect in their relationships? You may think that this is a stretch from that short conversation, but let’s be for real for a second here.  The gentleman stated his purpose and his goal, there was no confusion about what his intent was and when he found out that it was not going to be met we both moved on.  Wouldn’t it be fabulous if all adult relationships ran in the same vein?   

Think about it, if two adults who meet and are considering some type of relationship interaction were truly honest about what was happening there would be less hurt feelings and baggage out there.   When we meet someone there is this urge to sell a dream to the other person.  “Look at me, I am available and friendly and nice and we could have a great future together.”  But what is it that we really want? If your goal is to pick up a steady mate or even get married, fine. But what if it isn’t? Do you sell a dream that eventually turns in to a nightmare because the other person thought what you sold would be the reality? 

I think that in this new dating year we should stop selling the dream and work on reality. I am not telling you to stop every cute person you see and proposition them – that’s just creepy. (Even though I am sure that it works sometimes for the gentleman that stopped me, but that just proves my point.)  I am saying be real in your intentions when you are dealing with someone. In the long run, you will be happier for it. Who’s with me?

Lesson 1: To Thine Own Self Be True

The last time I was on an airplane I remember having an “a ha” moment while the flight attendant was running through the emergency procedures. If you haven’t been on an airplane before – if the plane were to crash, there are air masks that would fall from the ceiling in front of you for you to wear and get oxygen. According to the directions, you are supposed to put yours on first and then help your neighbor.  I remember thinking “that’s a novel idea. Help yourself FIRST. Huh”.

Too often we compromise ourselves for whomever or whatever. Significant others, jobs, family, friends all take precedent – we help them with their “oxygen mask” first before putting on our own.  All the while we are wondering why we are suffocating.

One of my favorite Shakespearean plays is “Hamlet”. And one of my favorite quotes from that play is Polonius’ farewell to his son Laertes: “To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.”  This means:

- If you are true to yourself in all things, there is no way you can be false to anyone. 

- You are the realest you when you are true to yourself first.  

- You can be better to other people when you are best to yourself. 

So a word of wisdom to you: Put on your oxygen mask first and then find out what the hell the rest of the world wants.  

“Farewell, my blessing season on thee!”